It’s crazy how time changes and how much it startles you at times.
She’s terrified. Terrified of how this might affect her and her sense of self. She’s gotten so used to having only herself that having someone who makes her feel happy and different is such a strange and untrusting feeling. It’s messing with her mind. She likes the feeling but it’s damn scary.
One thing’s for sure. She’s learning so much about herself from it. She found out that even in relationships, she tends to do everything just to satisfy their needs and please them. She didn’t know she was a jealous type until now. She’s having a hard time expressing herself and her feelings. It’s frustrating not even just for her but also for her partner. She used to think that she gives her trust to people too easily, but she found out that she has so much trust issues. She constantly needs reassurance of their feeling towards her. She has so many doubts that she keeps on trying to overcome.
These feelings doesn’t even make sense sometimes because she knows that he’s trying his best so their relationship could work. They both are. He reassures her that she doesn’t have to worry about anything. Whenever he notices that she’s getting a little too quiet, he eagerly asks her what’s wrong. It’s so difficult for her to verbally express her feelings, and he knows that. So, she appreciates that he pushes her to tell him whatever it is bothering her so that, together, they could solve the issue and move on.
She knows he is not perfect and neither is she. They will frustrate and disappoint each other but she just hopes neither of them give up. She hopes that they have a mutual understanding that instead of giving up, they both try to work it out. Let the problems serve as a way for their relationship to be stronger instead of it be the cost of their fall.
She cares about him too much now that she doesn’t want to lose him anymore. She used to be so bad with attachments. She used to be so broken whenever she gets too close with someone and it not working out but she worked on it. She became better at handling them. But now, she feels like, if (God forbid) they fall apart, it would hurt her so bad.