1. I have a really good intuition.
People may try to hide their real thoughts, what they really feel or who they really are but most of the time I can sense the truth behind the pretension and hiding. Also, every bit of change in the way you treat me and how you talk to me, I always notice it. I may not always mention it or do something to understand why, but trust me when I say, I can tell when something has changed and when something is wrong.
2. Don’t disrupt my sleep.
There are times when people wakes me up from a sleep and I don’t get grumpy. But most of the time, especially at times when I try to make up sleep after a long night of staying up really late, and then someone decided to bust out a really loud music, open the bright light in my room or like knock on my locked door to make me open it up, that’s where it gets to me. The grumpy, rude, mean, version of me just comes out. There was even a time when it gotten worst that it got physical with hairs and scalps involved.
3. I have a bad memory.
Ask me what day did something happen, I won’t remember it. Ask me what time did something happen earlier that same day, I won’t remember right away. Ask me what did I wear yesterday, how much is something that I bought just a minute ago, I won’t remember. I don’t know if there is an underlying neurological, genetic reason why that is happening but it sucks.
4. I am an over thinker.
People who are really close to me and spend a lot of time with me knows this. Every time something happened that I would rather not or something embarrassing, I would keep on rewinding it in my mind and beat myself for it until I forget about it. I would constantly think about how a situation could be better if only I did this instead of that, or like if I said this, instead of that. Sometimes I manage to stop thinking when I psych myself to block those thoughts but most of the time I overthink.
5. I value honesty than protection.
Protecting a person from being hurt by hiding something from them is complete messed up in my opinion because by doing that, you think of that person as weak and who aren’t strong enough to handle the truth. So for me, I’d rather be hurt than being lied to because I am many things but never weak. Protection from those kind of things aren’t really protection but is being a coward and selfish because you couldn’t accept the pain or disappointment that you would bring to that person once you tell the truth.
6. I talk to myself a lot.
I try my best to only do it whenever I’m alone like in my room or while I drive. When something is really bothering me, I have a literal conversation with myself, sometimes I even practice my conversational skills and even correct myself. I think about a topic and I try to maintain my trail of thoughts as much as I can. Others may find it weird or may think I am crazy (which you prob should lol) but I think it’s cool that I have that connection with myself that I don’t feel awkward doing it. Try it, it can be fun!
7.I’m better at writing than speaking.
That is the main reason why I started this blog site. I realized that I can express and explain my thoughts and myself when I write things up than vocally speaking it out. At first, I wanted to do a video blog because it is easier for people to relate to, but I find it awkward talking in front of camera that’s why I decided to create a blog instead. Also, when you ask me a good and deep question that requires an immediate answer I wouldn’t be able to do it properly, I need time to really think about my answer to give a relevant answer to it.
8. I am extremely sentimental.
There are days that I would scroll through my gallery or social media accounts just to look at old pictures and try to remember and reminisce what happened in that time. Sometimes I even read old conversations because I missed the person. I keep movie ticket stubs with the intention of putting them in a journal. I can even be sentimental with songs. When a certain song was playing at a moment that I felt very strongly, I would remember them and feel nostalgic whenever I hear it again. Also, with some people that are very close and dear to my heart, sometimes, I associate them with songs that reminds me of the kind of relationship I have with them and remember them when I hear the songs.
9. It’s difficult to get close to me.
I didn’t realize this fact about myself until I got older. It’s like there is this thick wall that I created which makes it difficult for new people to come into my life and get close to me. I always think of it as a five-layered wall. The first layer is from a stranger to a casual greetings here and there. It’s pretty easy to get through this because it only requires a smile or a simple ‘Hi!’ , ‘Hello!’ or ‘How are you?’. The second layer is the one where most people usually ends up getting stuck in. It is where I talk with you and even joke around but I still feel a lot of awkwardness between us. The third layer is pretty similar to the second except that I don’t feel the awkwardness anymore. I have came to like you and know you better as a person, so I get comfortable around you. We get into long good conversations about random things, also even exchange some banters. The fourth layer is kind of like the finish line for most people, when you get through this, you know that I care about you a lot and you are important to me. You get to be the person I share my thoughts and problems with, you get to see how I really am as a person (good and bad side). I invest time and effort to strengthen our bond. I hangout with you and check up on you from time to time. The fifth layer is kind of like a restricted zone but a few people can still manage to get in. It’s family. The one who have seen the worst in me but still accept me. The people who I value and love the most. The people who no matter how bad situations get, will always be there.
10. I still believe in (kind of) a fairytale story.
Don’t get me wrong. By fairytales, I don’t mean having a huge castle to live in, or a prince charming to save me from an evil witch or a deep sleep. By fairytale, I mean a story that no matter how long do I wait or how much struggle do I go through in my life, there will always be a happy ending for me in which I finally happiness within myself. Also, I believe that destiny is mostly responsible for it because I still believe that if something is meant for you, no matter what happen you will have it eventually. Now, some of my friends aren’t very happy about this mindset of mine. They try to knock it off my head and tell me to be realistic and don’t believe in magics of fairytales anymore. They are saying that I have to make an effort to achieve what I really want in life and they might be even right. Honestly, they really have a good point and sometimes I think about them. What if I am missing so much in life because I keep on just hoping and waiting for destiny to happen? But no matter how much I convince myself to take this ideals off my head, it won’t… I was about to state, “Maybe it’s because of my hard-headedness or my laziness to make an effort.” But I quickly realized, it’s probably because I am still scared (shaking my head). I don’t know where and how to start. Someday, maybe this could change, but for know, I will be fine with my ideals.
11. I love my alone time
This is probably because of my introvertedness. I mean I like hanging out with people and have a really good time with them. But when there are no plans to go out and just stay at home, I don’t feel bored most of the time. I mean, I feel bored too sometimes but mostly, I enjoy my time with myself, especially when I get to stay at home by myself. There are actually lots of things that I enjoy doing alone. I marathon tv series, and heck a lot of movies while eating snack with my jammies on. I even cook meals for myself sometimes. At times when I feel a little crazy I do concerts in my room. Times like these, I feel like I owe it to myself. It’s like a time for me to relax and kind of get to know myself a little more. Also, its cool that I am comfortable with just having the company of myself.
12. I like to give (sometimes too much)
Call it foolish or naive but I am like that. I tend to give too much for people especially for the people that I care about even without receiving anything back. I am not saying that I don’t care or I don’t feel sad when it’s not reciprocated because it’s such a fake and cliche thing to say because of course recieving something back make me feel appreciated and feel like they care about me as much as I do for them. I am just saying that, not receiving anything back don’t stop me from giving or, atleast, not right away. In fact, sometimes, even though in my mind I know that it’s too much already, I still find myself wanting to give. Maybe it’s part of my desire to please everybody which is also unhealthy, but it’s stue.