Since it has been a while since I have posted anything apart from the Currently Volume 3 and I really can’t pull any words from my mind right now to create a new blog post, I decided to scroll through all of my draft blog posts in attempt to find anything that would be good enough to publish. I came across some good ones such as poems and personal post that I created not so long ago. But since they are too personal to me, and I feel like I put all my heart in those posts, I don’t think I am ready to publish them publicly yet. But as I scroll further, I found a blog post that my sixteen year-old self wrote way back 2014. It was probably the first original Random Thoughts blog that I have ever written. As I was reading and rereading and rereading it, I can feel that my younger self also put all her heart and thoughts out in this post. I felt like through reading this old post, I can sense the state of my heart that time and how vulnerable I was before as I am still currently. I also realized how different I was before, but at the same time, how similar I was from today. It’s good to know that after this rather sad experience and after some years, I didn’t lose the ability to feel both happiness and sadness which is one of the signs that I am still fighting my way through life.
The most probable reason why I didn’t publish it before is probably the same reason why I don’t want to publish some of my writings that I did this current year yet. But today, I finally feel ready to publicly share this old post. I no longer feel vulnerable in publishing it.
I don’t even remember exactly who was I talking about in this post. Also, to keep my 16 year-old thoughts authentic, I will publish the same exact post that I wrote without editing anything regardless of anything.
Sooo, here goes nothing…
It takes so much care to make and spend time with a person. You won’t do it just for fun, there’s always a reason for everything. Maybe you know the reason, you just don’t have the guts to accept.
You care, I feel it or at least you cared. You may not accept it to yourself, but you know you cared even just a bit.
You can’t also deny that it made you smile, we don’t know why, you just did. Maybe because it feels so good knowing you are making someone smile. Doesn’t it?
It feels really nice to reminisce some good memories from the past. Remembering how careless and natural we have reacted in those times, happy moments. Not caring what will be the consequences afterwards. Just being candid and it’s good. Those, I want to regret, I want to forget, but it just doesn’t work that way. I can’t help but smile whenever it reappears through my mind. I can even consider those as some of the best memories in my life. Memories that I’ve always dream was geniune, sincere. Memories I’ve always wanted to happen again. But I think I am too foolish to even think about it, it’s all just a fantasy. A fantasy of a typical person involved in a very complicated thingy. Pathetic right?
But really, I want it to stop. I badly want to stop, because it doesn’t make any sense. It won’t change anything. And I bet, you vaguely remember what i am talking about. Maybe because it’s all not that important, I am just being too sentimental.
Even if you don’t know or even care. I want to say that, you have been and will always be special to me. I thank you for that. Even if it’s not real, thank you still.
Well it’s not a crime to express thoughts and feelings. So I just shake off the thought of negative comments and judgements(As if I have readers😅), it’s my blog anyway. Spread the love ❤️